Local man says he was a victim of marriage fraud when he married in 2003

By Erin Hitchcock

Staff Reporter

When Hitesh first met the woman he was to marry, he had no idea that she was using him to get into the country.

Hitesh says he is a victim of marriage fraud.

He rejected her at first, and returned to Canada.

But she and her family persisted, begging him to change his mind. She promised to help him in his spiritual life, so he reconsidered.

Her father threatened suicide if Hitesh didn't marry his daughter.

"I was never feeling more pressure then I was at that time in my life. I was confused."

Hitesh, then 24, got engaged in February, 2003.

"I was nervous, excited, slightly reluctant but I thought nothing bad could come of this."

After they got engaged, his fianc‚'s moods would change from anger to softness in seconds, a behavior that continued to flip back and forth periodically.

"In our relationship, there were so many red flags. The more I spent time with her, the crazier things got," he said, adding that she started to flirt with his brother.

He began to receive calls from people warning him that she was only using him to get into the country. He ignored the calls because his fianc‚ and her family told him people would make those comments out of jealousy.

"She would act like an angel around my family but alone she was always telling me how fat I was. My self esteem was being shot down. Sometimes I would cry to myself but I realized that she must be just taking everything out on me because it's a new marriage and she misses her family."

Hitesh kept this secret from his family.

After they were married, his new wife continued to verbally abuse him and pressured Hitesh to get her a visa so she could come to Canada. They went to the Canadian immigration office in Dehli to try to get Hitesh's wife a visa.

While filling out forms and waiting at immigration for eight hours, Hitesh would try to have a conversation with her.

"She never replied and she behaved like she hated me and hated my presence. Once, she told me how much she wanted to choke me."

Finally, it was their turn to find out about the visa. She dashed to the counter to open the envelope.

"I've never seen someone run so fast. She just threw the papers at me in front of everybody. The papers stated that she didn't get the visa."

She and her family pressured Hitesh into signing a sponsorship agreement.

His wife continued to show no affection for Hitesh.

"I just thought these things were natural in arranged marriages. I had never been so confused in my life. I would go for a walk and just cry."

He returned to Canada to sponsor her, while his mother stayed in India with his wife.

But his mom hurt her back and had to come home, so Hitesh returned to India and slept on the floor while his wife slept in the bed.

He then found out his wife was originally from Madagascar and he would have to return to Canada again in order to sponsor her.

The night before he left for Canada, his wife yelled at him and banged her head against the wall.

"She even threw stuff at me. This lasted most of the night. I cried in front of her and said, 'I don't know what to do.'"

He returned to Canada and his family said he should divorce her.

"I was shocked by this, but the confusion got even worse. I had to make a decision that will affect me for the rest of my life."

Pressure from her family escalated. He told himself it was his duty to honour his wife's wishes.

"Minutes felt like hours, hours felt like days, days took forever to pass. I was afraid to say anything. I was crying. I prayed this punishment would end."

She told him she loved him and said he was doing the right thing. He soon stopped talking to his family. He started working 12 hour days in order to afford bringing her to Canada. By October 2004, the sponsorship was complete.

"Her father called me and said 'Thank you for everything, our work is done.' At that time I didn't know what those words exactly meant."

When she arrived later that month, he tried to hug her, but "she would stand there like a dead body."

She said because it was an arranged marriage, affection would take time.

Hitesh's family was disappointed by the news of the sponsorship.

"It broke their heart. I called home and told my mom and dad. My mom would just cry. I said I was sorry but nothing could change what was about to happen in just a few months."

His wife started sleeping in a different room and had secret conversations with her family by speaking in French. After a few months, his wife made up rumours about Hitesh. She told people at the temple that Hitesh - who used to be a monk - beat her, raped her and forced her to watch pornography.

"I thought it would blow over but people lost respect for me that I could never regain."

In late August 2005, Hitesh received a phone call from a friend at 1:30 a.m. He was frantic and insistent on coming over.

"He gave me a hug and was visibly crying."

His friend insisted on waking up Hitesh's wife and, when he did, insisted that she tell Hitesh the truth.

After his friend kept pushing his wife to tell the truth, Hitesh asked, "What happened? Did someone have an affair?"

His wife then admitted to having an affair. Hitesh forgave her.

"I was hurt and confused. I never felt more betrayed. I understood what my parents had been saying all along. I was crying everyday. I had never been so heartbroken before."

She then said he wasn't the man she wanted to marry and wanted to marry his brother instead.

On Oct. 10, 2005, she left.

"I didn't want her to leave. My heart was now totally smashed. She said she hated me. After she left, I didn't have a purpose. I cried for 45 minutes like I never cried before."

In November 2005, he spoke with his father, whom he hadn't talked to in almost a year. By then, his father had become ill and, on Dec. 27, 2005, Hitesh received news from his brother that his father was dead.

"I never felt worse in my life. My father was my hero. I had betrayed him. I never got to say I was sorry. It stressed him out. He was only 54."

His ex-wife's family called him and told him, "You are a religious man. You should forgive us. We did what we had to do. This was our best option."

They called a few days later and told him they were going to rob him of everything he had. Hitesh received the divorce papers Aug. 16, 2006.

His ex-wife has put a restraining order on him and now wants $1,500 a month for spousal maintenance. She claims Hitesh has her jewelry, but he said he doesn't.

She hasn't gone on social assistance yet, but if she does, Hitesh would have to financially support her because of the sponsorship agreement.

"I believed her. I still have feelings for her. She was my everything.

"They don't expect me to fight this but I will fight this. I need to stand up for myself. Enough is enough. I have the truth on my side."

published on 11/15/2006